The current economy is dogshit and a lot of people are suffering. Here are some tips that might help you stretch out your budget a bit for Spring 2023.
10. Be sure to collect flyers and coupons.
Coupons and flyers are great free resources that you can burn for warmth!
9. Try a diet.
Food is expensive, so save money on it by simply not eating.
8. Use discounts.
The sheer burden of existence has invariably aged you beyond recognition, nobody is going to check you for a senior status because you no-doubt look terrible and haggard, even if you are only 30-something .
7. DIY.
Your ancestors did their own medical care and so can you! Maybe that trepanation would help!
6. Take a coffee break.
…because you will get a free coffee every shift when you take a second job at Starbucks.
5. Go on vacation.
Live in a hobo campsite in the park or near the train tracks while you rent out your own home on AirBnB.
4. Get a new car.
Smash open a car window with a broken piece of spark plug at a stoplight at just take it from the driver.
3. Take advantage of local attractions and events.
…by having your children/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever pickpocket tourists while you distract them.
2. Save your spare change.
…and when you have a decent amount, put it in the end of a sock and use it as a bludgeon to beat and rob those foolish enough to walk through a dark alley.
1. Capitalize on the recent popularity of Real Crime documentaries.
Live stream yourself committing a series of grisly murders. Maybe you can get a sponsor!
It’s satire (sort of) and I hope you don’t have to use these tips. Got your own? Leave it in the comments.
SimmyDizzle and Friends 